Thursday, February 5, 2015

our love story/ part 1

Our love story is a keeper. It begins before we met and I pray it'll continue for all of time. 
Someday, I want to be able to look back at the details that have been overlooked when life happens. 
Because real.

mr. darcy
It had been a long time coming.
This season of my life was the first one I could remember that didn’t involve me dating. 
It was only fair that I had a dry spell after so many dates and boyfriends had come and gone, but that didn’t make it any easier.
I fell in love young. 
I loved with as much love as any 17 year old can.
 It was sweet and innocent. 
I looked for the best in him, and I believed he saw the best in me. 
High school seniors in different states with different paths ahead, but clinging to the happiness we found in each other. 
When it came time for us to chose colleges, he based his decision on mine. I was headed north and he calculated that his best scholarship option of the multiple offers he’d received was the one closest to me. The three hour distance seemed like an eternity, and my freshman year of college seemed like a sad, cruel joke.

I longed for him, for summer, for time with just us. Summer came and was a blur for me, except the end. 
The I love you, but I also want to date other girls kind of an end. 

The end that made me doubt me.
I wasn’t enough.

That became my mantra. 
That’s what pushed me forward. 
This unknown fear that I wouldn’t satisfy. 
That not only wasn't I enough, but that maybe I'd never be enough. 

So, I dated. 
I dated a lot of boys. 
College became one boy after another. 
I morphed myself into what they wanted, but I saw it for what it was…empty.
I knew that it wasn’t the real me, but I was so scared to be the real Sarah. I pushed her back and kept saying yes to the next date with the wrong guys.

Not that I was a serial dater without boyfriends. 
I had a couple. 
One per year. 
And here’s the thing: I was always the last girl that they dated before they met…the one.
 Before their love story began, it ended with me.

What a hard thought that was.

1 comment:

  1. I remember that sad, cruel year. I saw you suffer and always thought you deserved so much more than he was willing to give. It was heartbreaking! No amount of Golden Girls watching was gonna make it any better. I wish I could've been a better friend to you at that time. I'm so glad you found a good, godly man who loves you!


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