Tuesday, July 22, 2014

if you're a bird, i'm a bird

blogging is a funny beast.
it's an outlet and a ball and chain.
i think about it regularly and that's pretty amazing because not many things stick in my mind- 
i'd blame pregnancy brain, but i'm kinda thinking that that's no longer an available excuse...

i guess that's my roundabout way to say i miss you and love you, little ole blog.
weird right?

let's just pretend that awkwardness didn't just happen (even though it did).

this is going to be a (mostly) picture free post (again), with a few random ones thrown in because i'm flat out too lazy to spend the time downloading the pics tonight and then another day will go by without me getting my thoughts out.
but what i lack in visuals, i promise i'll make up for in melodrama

spoiler alert: i'm floundering a bit still

we're in our house and it's going to be rad
going to be is the phrase to notice there
right now it's a disaster of the likes of which this town has never seen (name that movie!)
we have a partially renovated kitchen with most of the cabinets in, most of the counters in, most of the shelves/drawers/doors in, some of the lighting in, and very little painting (priming to be exact started). It's basically such a hot mess that only D and I can see the daily progress. It's there, but you have to know what you're looking for to find it.
And I am over eating out. Over it. So, I made an Aldi's run today and swear I'm going to start using  the kitchen even if it kills me to move the tools off the work space one...more...time...

Where are all the extra shelves/doors, drawers, counters and unboxed kitchenware items right now you ask? 
In my living room- all around me
The giant cardboard boxes are keeping me company while I write this post. 
As well as my fridge. 
What's that? No, the living room isn't exactly up to par yet either. :)

What we have done is painted Dean's room. We've organized the laundry room and hall linen closet. We've put Vivi into a big girl bed and we've learned to skillfully maneuver around the boxes in almost every other room.

I am slowly starting to come out of the funk that this final move brought with it. 
It took me by surprise and spiraled me downward a bit, but I'm on the upswing. 
I'm seeking endorphin the old fashioned way...working out in the hot, humid Kentucky sunshine.
The kids and I are exercising most mornings. 
Double strollers are such a blessing!
We head out early and take advantage of the many sights in our neighborhood to look at. 
Our house is near an Army Reserve site, a VERY active soccer field used daily by different groups, a VA hospital, trails, and multiple parks. 
There's always lots to explore and if you're a preschooler lots to inquire about. 

In the evenings, I'm job searching because my goal is full time employment before fall.
There I said it, now I just need it come true. 
I know God is going to provide, but man it's a little daunting at times. 
Technically, I'm a stay at home mom right now, but it doesn't feel like that at all.
 It feels like I'm an unemployed person trying to balance the being at home and preparing to go back to work. 
That means I'm staying up late and getting up early. 
But not early enough to be productive.

Some positive news: I love our neighborhood. The folks on our street have been nothing but kind.
 I can't wait to have people over. 
Make a dirty diet coke, shoot the breeze, watch the kids run from yard to yard, and get to dig into people's lives. Because that's what I'm feeling called to do- live my life to show the joy of Jesus. 

Other big news. Date night happened. It's been awhile and I've got to say I've missed it fiercely. One on one time to dream, talk, laugh, flirt with the man of my dreams. It felt normal and wild and crazy all at the same time. I think that the disruption in our dating possibilities has been one of the hardest things for me to cope with this past year. 

I flat out need that connection time.
I'd say that it's my number one love language. 
It helps me keep perspective during the mundane and the hard moments. 

Which brings me to my next train of thought: goals for next year. 
To help me find my footing, I've been looking ahead. 
What do I want to see our family looking like this time next year?
I want to see the basics taken care of so we can stretch ourselves with service.
I want to be sharing our lives with others. 
Walking alongside people with real needs.
Because let's be honest...most of mine are teeny, tiny in comparison to what this world's capable of throwing people's way.
I want to love others.

In the meantime, I'm working on showing love to my husband and kids.
 I'm flat out failing daily and asking for forgiveness, putting myself in time outs, taking deep breaths, and laying down to bed at night with tears in my eyes and worry on my mind. I can only hope that the journey we're on will be valuable. Because something tells me God's plans involve this portion of the journey too.   

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i]have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28

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