Monday, April 22, 2013

holding pattern

The two times I've gotten sick on an airplane, I
a. wanted to die
b. was told by the voice on the loudspeaker that we were in a holding pattern
c. I wanted no one to witness the embarrassment that everyone was witnessing. 

 I have a problem with holding patterns.

stay...go
renovate...hold off
replace...make do
paint...don't paint
buy...save
long term...short term

We keep getting ready to put our foot on the accelerator, only to back it off a bit first.
We keep talking long term, and seeing change on the horizon.
We've made mistakes in the past and are not eager for a repeat.
We've seen doors close and open.
We know what it looks like to muscle our will.
We know the pain that comes from that.
We also don't want to miss out.
I don't want to be afraid.

***************

On top of all of that...I'm struggling with forgiveness.
As in giving it freely.
As in not picking up the problem/anger/hurt after I've done the forgiving.
Not always the easiest.
I figure that if I'm faithful to continually let go of the hurt as it arises and choose forgiveness...God will fill in the cracks.
I don't know what that means except to say that I'm trusting that if I choose Christ, He'll fix the rest.

**************

Continue on.

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