Saturday, May 28, 2011

::test 1, 2, 3, 4...::test 1, 2, 3...::

It's been awhile. Many things have changed since my last post. Part of it was me- I shut down. I do that from time to time, and frankly it means I'm a bad blogger. But in a day when everyone under the sun is blogging, I feel free to make my own rules. Call it a sabbatical. From what? I'm not sure. Maybe from keepin' it real. (insert fist bump)

Dean turned seven months old today. Seven. That's over half a year, people! Today the little monkey pulled himself up in his crib. He stood there like it was something he does regularly when in fact...it isn't.

I've been very introspective lately. I've had creativity start to bubble up in me, and I've begun to assess my ever changing self. In other words, my mind is all over the place.

D and I are sucking the marrow out of life. That's a little Thoreau for all you non-transcendentalist fans. I'm in the process of reading a scattering of books from Super Nanny to Thoreau-told you my mind was everywhere! Actually, I'm a flip flopper between crazy, loving romance and worry. D has been working two jobs since March. Big deal you think. Yes, big deal. He's working both day and night shifts. He goes to his day job and then goes to his night job. When he comes home exhausted from the night job he gets approx. 3 hours of sleep, and then...he does it all over again.

Do you understand my worries? Not exactly making for a traditional, family life. Sometimes days pass and I can count on one hand the number of minutes I'm in the same room with him (while he's sleeping).

Yes, I understand that others have it harder. This is not a, let's compare hardships. A hardship is a hardship. My heart has been aching for time with him- it is after all my number one love language.

Today, when he should have been sleeping, we went on a surprise date. The date itself wasn't a surprise, but the activity (wine festival) was. Mom and dad watched Dean, and D and I went off on a date like, dare I say it, not a care in the world.

Something these past few months has taught me is "quality, not quantity". Actually, it's D that first told me that. It's been a life/marriage saver of a lesson.

Besides worrying about my love, I've been busy balancing being a mama and being Sarah. It hasn't been easy. But maybe the other lesson I've learned is that great things come from hard learned lessons.

I spend most nights silent. After Dean goes to bed, I'm alone with my thoughts. I have a house to clean and thoughts to think. Most nights though I've fallen prey to the time-wasting activity America's love most- the television. Oh my, the hours that I've spent watching trash like any of the Real Housewives shows is embarrassing.

I don't watch tv rather than play with the baby. Although sometimes I am admittedly distracted. And I certainly don't let him watch it- unless you count the fact that it's on right next to him and he can hear/see it all. Which, is basically the same thing. Just keepin it real again. It all starts out innocently enough- I get home, make him a bottle and turn the tv on while I feed him. The problem is I'm not really connecting with him. I'm not really in the moment, and I'm not ever turning the tv off after that brief respite on the couch. Instead, we move our play time onto the floor (in front of the tv) and I spend the next few hours doing a hybrid play/watch time.

Guess this is spill your guts out night on blogger. Do we play in other rooms? Sometimes. Do we play outside (weather permitting)? Rarely. See here's the thing- I'm tired when I get home and I've created such a nice little habit that anything else seems like work.

Tonight, after Dean went to bed, I watched one show Sarah's Summer House, and saw that there was nothing else on that I hadn't already seen or wanted to watch. So, I began cleaning the house. As chance would have it, I went to open the shutters and saw that it was a beautiful night out. So, I went looking for my gardening gloves and went outside to pull weeds. No, that wasn't a typo or a turrets like exclamation. I really did it. And here's the really sad part. I hadn't done it in over a year. Last summer, I was hot and tired and really pregnant. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was go out and get itchy from pulling the weeds.

Any who, while I was out there I had great fun. I even laughed a bit. I feel good about what I accomplished and excited to get back out there and do some more. While I was washing all of the itchy, weed germs off in a shower afterwards, I had an epiphany. It was two-fold. First, I realized I was ready to blog again. Second, I realized I should turn on music when I get home instead of the tv. Music is motivating, it's invigorating, and most importantly it doesn't lull me into a just-one-more-episode coma.

So, there you have it, a new goal. When Dean and I are getting our few precious hours together each weeknight- we are going to be doing so without the tv.

Next blog, an update on all things fitness/food related.

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